Is it okay or problematic to be both Black and gay in society in the 21st century?
07.06.2025 11:05
A guys is aesthetically attracted to me but:
Gay men offer homosexuality but not connectivity because they assume homosexuality IS connectivity. (This is leaning into White men’s deep drama and desire for BBC.)
There are other expectations, to a hyper/available sexuality without regard to my personality, interests, choices or need to feel attended to, secure, romanced even. I am to be a performative “stud”. That’s through an American/Westernized overlapping of projected racism so sadly, it’s kind of normal with men and women. (Normal Alert.)
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Unemployed due to systemic social and educational issues which meant potentially some form of Welfare, the fastest way to get a complete service package is to be diagnosed as HIV+ and then within 30 days the full benefits package starts from HASA—-which exists in 5 major cities including NY. This is one of the population reasons why some cities—NYC, Atlanta, Chicago, LA, etc. have such a high HIV+, gay, minority non-heterosexual population.
Also I have been alive and sexually active through two to three decades with variations on STIs so I have safely done or been at the orgy/freak off, observed the orgy/freak off/BDSM parties, and ironically, taught about all of it from heavy petting to fisting. There isn’t much sexually I don’t know about, understand, or have as an observer or participant been around. You really can't shock me.
White men seem to be more fluid probably because of privilege, they aren’t trying to maintain “something” based upon societal perception/cultural designation. (“As a white man, I simply cannot be anything but hetero.” White people don’t sieve all of their identity or choices through classifications of race. Italians eat Chinese food.).
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I’m now going to offer something really controversial to TRUMP race amongst Black folk, Black gay men who want to bareback or say they’re on PReP.—-which I need to see proof of—-ready?
I learned to be helpful. Whether it was to referrals to jobs, social gatherings, new friendships, etc.. I learned how to give of myself and my resources and more importantly I learned at what I didn’t know how to give or that I needed to be schooled in.
I was deciding in a celebrity general way what Kyle finds sexually attractive. (In workshops what I’ve also noticed is MSM cluster at the end of homosexuality-willing to do homosexual things as attractive and then perhaps advance to a “type” but due to lack of social reinforcement and years of consideration and exploration of simply that idea, don't “know” what is or how to measure attractiveness in a man from their internal self/pecker.)
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Black, White, Puerto Rican, I keep on filtering and filtering and filtering to find the good ones. 1 in 5. And I do believe there are good, compatible ones who act like their sexuality is a normal, Divinely created thing and not a curse or a knife to stab at convention with.
He’s on crystal meth.
At best, I really only had 1, 8 and 9 as personal issues that I'd been working on for years since high school, with that counselor, and twice, two year long therapists. What the agencies did, particularly in that year was they’d really taught me a lot that I already knew and didn’t know about HIV. I was aware of racism-sexuality and I was comfortable asking men out directly, had several ltrs under my belt and had even lived with a man years prior.
When I came out as a teen, 16–18 years old, luckily my mother had a gay best friend and knew several other gay men in AA, so she had them come over and talk to me and provide me with several books about race/sexuality. Lots of: it’s okay, your beautiful self, sex is good. Helpful on a very basic self esteem level, but not true scholarship.
BUT
The problem is that insularity by culture/ethnicity vs. the White tendency to have a more egalitarian sexual history/experience.
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It really is that simple BUT more President’s and Prime Ministers have fucked up a glass of water than we’d like to count.
Living situation instability—homelessness which led to soft prostitutions of forced unsafe sex which led to HIV infection.
I also learned from Patti that my every hobby and interest could not, would not, be shared with someone I was romantically involved with. Next month I’m going to The Met, to the opera, (actually half a dozen times this season). If my boyfriend didn’t want to go—-you know what I’m doing next month? (and the rest of the season?)—-going to the opera. Maybe with a friend, a co-worker and if I don't feel like hours of roaring at the hockey game, I can encourage him to go with his best friend (I have.) She taught me that we’re coming together for romance not twinsies. Some Black and Latino gay men expect you/a relationship to want to sit for hours with them with PlayStation or getting high or whatever “their thing is” and that's’ not realistic.
I am not HIV+.
Imagine someone came up to you, emailed you that they were….a human. With human parts. A human. A human who would have sex with you ………..because they were human.
10 Black MSM sexually circulate in Black communities.
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Sexual Attraction
He’s healthy (emotionally and intellectually) for me (he can enhance me)
Gay men sell, try to seduce, with the most banal, basic things.
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I was one of two men in that cohort of about 35 men who had only those 3 issues, the rest were rife with like all 12 of those issues. I felt, as I have before and after, in Black gay male groups, conspicuously healthy.
Black and Latino culture (somewhat)
White people (for survival-resources)
What are some reasons why people may fear strong men?
I know, messy. They’ve mistaken their sexual position for their identity.
This complicated noodle soup….
Deeper…if you’re in the closet/DL what doctor are you going to and pharmacist to fulfill this prescription….because ummm, boo-—they know. Straight men aren't the biggest consumers of PReP.
There are expectations coupled to sexuality—-BBC—-Big Black Cock that others think they have the right to project upon and expect of me. White men often treat me as their fetish/kink and not as a human being. It has slowly changed in the twenty years I’ve been Out, actively dating, sexually active. But it’s gone from a 12 down to maybe a strong 8 to 9. It’s slightly different, less intense than before but not in any way gone or eradicated. In many ways this means that like a Star Trek starship, with White men, I am on Yellow Alert.
Oh, he’s a super PowerBottom, but he never practices any form of safe sex, he serves like a neighborhood shopping cart, has had a bout or two with gonorrhea or is proudly HIV+ and will never do anything else, but Bottom. Forever. His sexuality is fixed…and a little warped.
Simply put. Racism. But in a deeply reversed or inversed way.
Asian men, in my experience, seem to be more individualistic in that they too are choosing, though I wouldn’t offer it is from absolute privilege. It seems to be more from pleasure and pleasuring.
How can he help/enhance me?
Practices a level of unsafe sex that is borderline criminal.
Yes, PRep has changed this dynamic in regards to only HIV, but I often challenge back in workshops how many men of color the majority not making over $50k, are regularly investing in PRep monthly?
Gay men also lack seduction techniques of anything beyond nudity—-ass pics, dick pics, anus pics. Who exactly is thrilled to see a puckering anus? No, really, is this the measurement of how you introduce him to your parents, take him to a work event?
“But, Kyle, we brothers. I’m Black and you’re Black.”
See the correlation?
Racism & sexuality which affects men of color by White men using them but perhaps not establishing full relationships which would include long-term sharing of resources. More people (we usually think just women, but men too) are stabilized by having a secure partner, by having a partner who may have a higher educational level/career tract than them. Many White men in particular are all titillated to enjoy some BBC but not love the man and can demand, as they have of my teen cohort who were prostitutes—-unprotected sex even if they know they can potentially infect the young man of color. One of my students would often have to choose risky johns to trick with to have money for a hotel room for the night and eventually got voluntarily infected with HIV to secure HASA. His White john, knowingly HIV+, would often offer him more money for barebacking/unsafe sex.
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I find him sexually attractive (and He wants to engage in physical sexual things within his absolute boundaries; we can experiment but it’s not a deal breaker)
#KylePhoenix
As you can see, my attractions are a cultural, ethnic mélange probably because (the first three) my first BF in high school, Puerto Rican, resembles all three of them—-had the same cool “vibe”.
The warped psychology of Blackness, which dances with a man’s sexuality—-one an external projection, one an internal perception—-pushed through the lens/society of Whiteness and inferiority, asserts a level of interiorized self destructivity. That is magnified in Black gay men because there is also a socially contrary internal identity demanding activity, exit. Which is why I have seen that 50% of Black and Latino gay men are “a wrap”. The grinding of both weights/mental states is too much for some men, men who don’t regularly get therapy (I go for 1 year every adult decade of my life as a tune up), who perhaps stay in the closet for reasons of privilege and toxic masculinity fears.
That’s what makes being Black and gay problematic—-dealing with the inherent limitations of about 75% of the overall gay (all cultures) population and the frustration of the last 25% being in committed relationships or not attracted to them/them to me personally.
Which helped me to narrow down who and what and why I found certain men attractive, so that I can edit out engaging with men whom I don’t find attractive but think are “nice”. I’m not looking for nice. I’m looking for men who make my pecker pop. And deeper, to expand beyond race because one, miscegenation is racist legal structure bult upon fallacies. One of the fallacies being intra-cultural breeding…and as I’ve learned over the years no matter how much I fuck a guy….he ain't getting pregnant. Race as an objective consideration is then mooted and my sexuality interests raised to the primary consideration, the Pecker Rule, in regards to initial attraction-interest in a man as I get to know him. Sexuality trumping race is a difficult thing for Black and Latino men, enmeshed by race to always consider. Taking Patti’s advice, I prepped myself with models in my head to hold up as flash cards when noticing, engaging men. What this did was it focused me and more importantly, honed what attraction is for me so that I wasn’t giving/taking one for the “Black team”….because of race.
(Yup, imagine me standing in front of groups of Black and Latino men and explaining that really a way to truly practice HIV prevention is to fuck/get fucked by more White/Other culture men, potentially.)
Of course I can work things out, go to places, try new things, I’m not fixed, in fact I’m more of the opposite—-I’m open to trying lots of things. It also takes me time to process my emotions and to verbalize them because I’m doing two things—-LISTENING to you and-then CONSIDERING my own emotions. I’ve also learned that my own sense of self esteem, confidence, is unusual but mine is based upon very self assured, progressive parents, grandparents and great grand parents who were all highly educated so they knew more about the world, saw the world differently. I’m comfortable being both the Respected Leader and the Cherished Follower (Dr. Pat Allen’s work).
I’ve learned that not only in the above a lot to know about one’s self but that when I try to express it or outline for a man he translates the words as he translates words not necessary as I might mean. (Yes, I have considered simply giving out several books and assessments to know one another but more importantly to have a direct language between us to communicate).
HIV & 12 Areas
The human goal in life is to avoid infectious diseases.
Coming Out issues/sexuality confusion which can mean flipflopping back and forth between sexes, men and women, one’s gender expression—-excessively masculine or feminine or even interest in non-binary/trans folk (the technical term for it being a skoliosexual).
Oh, he’s a super Top, who loves to breed men raw, but he never practices any form of safe sex, he serves like a neighborhood shopping cart, has had a bout or two with gonorrhea or is proudly HIV+ and will never do anything else but Top. Forever. His sexuality is fixed…and a little warped.
It’s not an inevitability, a fait accompli, the price of love.
Are you so attached to your sexual position that it’s worth the depression, loneliness, fear, angst and lowered safety boundaries? Geez.
I learned in dating that I had to/could include White men but they all weren’t my primary flavor choice (I have never found blonde men particularly attractive. I dated a couple of blondes and it was fun/fine but on a scale of 1 to 10 never got over a 5 for me. Though I will say a 5 is good enough for sex. lol But a hot 5, like everyone elses 8.)
You’re alone.
Prostitution/porn done as a transactional “job” due to lack of education, work experience and how that put one at direct risk for HIV infection.
You’re so rigid in what YOU like that you seek out men to fit YOU.
Patti also asks: Who are your celebrity crushes?
He finds me sexually attractive (and I want to engage in physical sexual things within my absolute boundaries; we can experiment but it’s not a deal breaker)
How about I meet you for dinner on Wednesday?
Dating is a social interactive design to explore and discern, it requires intent and resilience and self awareness AND being open to not fulfilling everything for another person nor being fulfilled by everything in that other person (hence the overarching Pecker Rule—-”Am I attracted to this person enough to accept that he is a bowling freak who every Sunday does it with his friends? Yes. And I don’t have to go. But buying him those weird gloves turns him on and he eagerly supports my macrame hobby.”)
How can I help/enhance you?
Under/lack of education affecting one’s life in terms of partner choices, homelessness, unemployment
In the past for a boyfriend who had just graduated college when we met online I moved him in…on the first date. (I was young, my early 20s and lonely. Forgive my insanity.) I didn’t vet him enough—-have a clear idea of Areas—-he was part of the inspiration of why I made a direct plan to date 100+ gay men-—-to learn men, gay men, and learn myself and learn to discern. Along the way of the 100+ I learned to narrow down interest, attraction and use filters.
We, Blacks and Latinos, sort of pass HIV around within our cultural peer circle because we tend to have less interracial relationships than White or Asian men.
They are absolute Power Bottoms, for life, like if there was a war, and completely into fisting, golden showers, yet don’t allow for the other man’s sexuality. Not that I had huge challenges but Black and Latino men see being their sexuality—-contrasted against the rejection of that in their cultural communities, as their progressivity. Their sexuality itself then mirrors the historically co-opted expression of both culture rigidity and includes the psychology of racialized self destructivity (ignoring creativity, the identity of others, exploration.).
The ratio breaks down that to date 10 men, mutual attraction will be 2 out of those 10. Most gay men don't meet compatible partners because they don’t learn to discern AND focus to increase the odds of that 1 in 5. You have to go through 10 to find 2 and there’s no guarantee that your match will be in the first 6 or even 8 or 20 dates——unless you have awareness of the 4 Syncs you’re really looking for and have answered them and an awareness of the 12 Areas that he might be affected by.
But check this…I’m (projected upon) Black, though technically if you get all racially divisive in a disgusting way, I’m not completely. But I am often offered over the years Black and Latino ass/cock.
Now, in the now-now time signature, I’m all cute, dressed well, smelling good, got a dollar extra in my pocket and in a space or out in public that declares my potential availability—-NYC is basically 5 boroughs as a gay bar—so you could spot me at a men’s group, a gay club, the #1 train, Whole Foods and I could spot you, spotting me and be like——okayyyyyyyyyyy—-and you bring your fine chocolatey self over………..
I have changed my mind, as a teen, because of multiple influences that the projection nor culture of race is my primary identity lens for self or choices.
Then the combination challenge of finding those 4 in sync healthy-enhancing and mutually attracted points, and all of the diverse combinations and imbalances that can occur in just those 4 points is what makes it so problematic.
Is sixty/blonde/White, thinks I’d be perfect with my BBC to serve him and regularly is willing to send me pics of his anus, surrounded by grey or blonde hair, because—-don’t I want that? THAT would make me existentially “happy”.
Race
This was difficult but I’ve narrowed it down to being able to express that I need someone who is more emotionally open than I am. My best dating's/ltrs have been with men who were more expressive and able to not be annoyed at having to investigate, encourage and allow me to gestate and then share my feelings, not my intellectual thoughts. You want to see me flummoxed? Take me to a really nice restaurant—-every item potentially spectacular and delicious—-I’m overwhelmed with choices. My favorite places include Plataforma which has a hot buffet of 37 meats and seafood, hot foods and a massive cold buffet. Now think about that—-all those choices for a price fixe—-I can have little tastes of half a dozen things.
Relationship/Dating issues stemming from the fact that hetero/homo (etc.) relationships are similar in that people are people but different in that men experience power dynamics differently. The huge demand for men to be more communicative is a more feminine trait socially—-known by women and taught by women to other women and women teach men. (Which explains lesbian enmeshment-coupling so fast.) Men into men don’t have that skill naturally so must learn it. The best men to do this are men who have dated/married women because they fundamentally understand (not necessarily like it, but understand) that women are different human beings than them. A lot of the HIV infection stems back to inability to communicate clearly.
But the CDC, and I trust their science/numbers for the past two decades, sees my grouping—-Black, Latino, minority, “of color”, males—-as the highest infected group, ongoing in the USA, second only to the African Sudan. You say that this programmatic action is of course a good thing, for services and such to those who need it, and I wholeheartedly agree. But that first year, before the facilitator asked me to teach groups, I shared with him that I was sort of done. I’d attended the men’s group for a solid year and even participated in their intensive HIV prevention workshops….I saw that Year 2 would simply be repeating the taught information.
Further there’s often an expectation from other Black and Latino men, a sort of melanin based “trust” so that I might be interested in/available to unsafe-barebacking's sex with them because we’re “brothers”. Deeper to this point I’ll offer the CDC’s projection that 50% of Black/Latino MSM will end their lives, from now to being deceased, HIV+. Our numbers based upon infection rates are not slowing as much as other groups of men—-Whites and are pretty much the same as Latinos. Why? (Red Alert.)
10 gay White men sexually circulate within their communities and other communities (Black, Latino, Asian.)
Flip the script.
He got his GED, but thinks books are….evil and mind traps from the Man, who have tapped his phone and are watching him on all the NYC street cameras.
John is flirtatious, smart, funny….but…………..go to the above—-I have to screen him through the above issues. I have to filter him through the 12 Areas above and because oddly I’m educated and aware of the 12 Areas. For Black and Latino men they are aware of Areas but only half to 1/3, have an advanced education (read: college) AND can apply that to recognizing-discerning those individual/sexuality issues. Which means that they can hide their issues but (from me) not for long. I’ve been teaching sex/sexuality/relationships for over two decades so in a conversation, a date or two, I can suss out the 12 Areas, which yes means that it is difficult for me to date because I’m trying to combine the below 4 Syncs combinations:
Sex addiction, mental health issues stemming from the social pressures and stigmatization of the coupling of race AND a non/quasi accepted/sometimes illegal sexuality. I estimate form the thousands who went through my groups that about 50% of men who are of color and non-hetero—-are what I call “a wrap”. Their issues, co-morbidities, anxieties, addictions, pathologies are so warped that they can’t form healthy relationships with healthy people.
I often point out to Black and Latino men in workshops—-
He finds me sexually attractive (and wants to engage in physical sexual things within my absolute boundaries; we can experiment, but it’s not a deal breaker)
For over 25+ years I’ve taught classes, workshops, etc. about sex, sexuality. Written close to a hundred books and had a TV show and YouTube channel for 16+ years, with a now contract signed for 2–3 more years, I originally started the YouTube videos and then the TV show and then the publishing of the books—-from 2009 to 2013—-as an extension of my work, counseling and workshops, teaching. About 75% of my clientele, thousands of men, were men of color. What I found in prepping for 5 to 10 hours of multiple groups for LGBTSGL youth (14 to 27) and an all ages group, Total Man, was that there weren’t many concrete resources. By “concrete” I mean beyond fiction/erotica about men of color—-I meant data, statistics, guides, etc.. I am Mr. Amazon. I have and/or have read all of the books one could use/teach with or use as a learned resource, including textbooks about sexuality, about homosexuality, about living a life where one was healthy and seeking a same sex partnership. Yes, there are books/resources but they were mainly for White men (and women). I often point to the popular book Velvet Rage that goes into all kinds of explorations of sociology, psychology, history, people, political struggles, various cities and their social climates, the history of organizations like the Matachine Society—-oh, and there’s ONE sentence about Black men. It’s 435 pages. Now I’ll play Devil’s Advocate and offer that it wasn’t meant for, like much of White(ned) society/Western society for people of color. I’ll Jim Crow it with you. But the problem was I had a cohort of 100 to 200 teens/men that I was presenting materials to. People tend to engage materials better when they see some sort of reflectivity in it of them personally, socially, visually.
My family is also multi-ethnic and of varying skin tones from chalk to chocolate so men of color for me can be a range—-my dream whoring vacation includes Greece, Spain, Morocco, and Italy. lol
Black and Latino men, in particular carry over a conversely rigid-conservative and self destructive sexuality from their cultures.
Black and Latino Gay men—-let me show/tell you about my penis and its’ massive, culturally sexualized size, or more insanely, let me tell you how creamy my asshole/anus is (technically a medical problem—-that's not how your body works).
He’s healthy (emotionally and intellectually) for me (he can enhance me)
I’m healthy (emotionally and intellectually) for him (I can enhance him)
To that point, coupling in another man’s point—-Black, Latino, White, Asian—-for me, is not that adventurous or preposterous—-meaning that my sexuality isn’t Fixed. I can see in a long term relationship being versatile/bottoming because I know from thousands of hours of workshops that lack of variety is one of the things that breaks up male couples the most.
I learned on those 100+ dates to stop measuring men by character first—-I ended up with good characters, whom I wasn't attracted to. It is the desire to fuck someone that makes their rough edges manageable.
Lots of gay men feel they have advanced to some mythic level when they have a type—-often I am most bored with with typing as a question but I understand again, we’re trying to establish a baseline. Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker—-who has helped me immensely. She has a test—-the Pecker Rule—-who does your pecker like for men? Instantly ask yourself this towards a man as a man. (or towards women.)
I am happier than a lot of my peers, friends (dating more often) because I know lots of things, I understand gay men better. I often lament to gay men that a lot of their issues are not from broken gay people but from not taking time to discern how different gay men are, and why, so when he says blah blah blah, you know that will probably translate into blah blah blah.
You know EXACTLY what you like.
Black and Latino men often present to men as men with unsafe sexual activities in very rigid boxes. Because they are in rigid boxes. The rigid boxes like an after glow of the overall societal rigid boxes for Black and Latino men. Being homosexual IS the big divergence due to being race-d.
Yes, it is problematic as of 2025, because of the conflation of race (a social fallacy—-we’re already in Crazy Town even incorporating this to identity), culture/ethnicity, and sexuality because of again, society and social, political and religious projections.
Has NEVER taken care of his health, smokes and eats to assuage life pain, so at 40 he looks like a graying sixty
(I personally like the word cock. In a meeting full of Black men, where we were purportedly empowering and liberating each other to be free in the expression of ourselves a facilitator actually said to me that Black men said dick, White men used the word cock. I should use the word dick. I then said to him—-teachers are always willing to go to Batshitsville—-if we’re about “freedom and liberation for Black men, Black gay men”, shouldn’t I be able to use whichever fucking word I pleased? He was flummoxed at such reflected logic. You can also see that there’s often such a adherence to some invisible Black card FICO score that Black people, Black gay people, practice oppression. Nuff said.)
#TheKylePhoenixShow
I’m healthy (emotionally and intellectually) for him (can enhance him)
It wouldn’t be such a hard existence or problematic navigation without the perspective projections of others upon me around race—-including those who may belong to the same cultural/ethnic group I do.
Is in the closet at fifty because of his dead parents and the church he never goes to.
My challenge back to the facilitator and group was that it, the entire group, wasn’t serving me anymore because so much of it was focused on areas that I didn’t have issues with:
Thinks that my work and education are “too much”.
You’re alone.
From about 2003 to 2008 I was trying to find “browner-sexuality” resources to design into curricula. Which led to my videotaping some of my most popular workshops for YouTube and then The Kyle Phoenix TV Show and then on advice of the supreme Obi Wan of adult education, Dr. Stephen Brookfield at Columbia University, I turned my extensive notes/curriculum into books. There were barely any, directly to men of color, that were non-fiction guides. By guides I mean on dating, sexuality, psychology, sociology—-how is one Black/Latino as a cultural identity, merged with non-heterosexuality? Fiction existed but 100% of my workshops went through a reporting process to various funders, meaning that it had to be original, substantive to someone reading a summary of what I had presented/taught hundreds of folk that month.
Drug/alcohol addiction which is either generational or a coping mechanism for societal issues, sexuality issues or even the anxiety of avoiding or having HIV.
HIV status, risk and positivity-how to negotiate with a partner and rationalize to one’s self safety procedures beyond emotional/sexual desire to avoid infection. This is also coupled with a detailed understanding of how HIV infection occurs.
I’m freely-graciously offered unsafe sex, by my “brothers”, who may or may not be HIV+, who have been ready and willing to have unsafe sex with me (I’ve been rejected online and in person for wanting to put on a condom. My stance being I have a human responsibility to whomever I’m fucking, to them and their parents/family—-the “community”—-to not endanger them—-even as I’m HIV-. I could be lying about my STI status. You could be lying. Don’t trust me because I don’t/can’t trust you.)
Education—being undereducated and that leading to HIV infection risk
What this means is that I learned from her work that I can’t over-intellectualize it—-I survey men as do I want to fuck him? (and somewhere in there, having to be open to—-would I let him fuck me? (because his sexuality exists too. And the healthiest relationships explore/contain versatility and not rigidity of Top/Bottom absolutistic roles.))
Tyler Lepley, Drake, Tom Hardy, Dev Patel, Will Yun Lee
Gay men tend not to have made a study of gay men. Gay Black and Latino men tend to have a study of two things:
10 gay Latino MSM sexually circulate in Latino communities.
I find him sexually attractive (and want to engage in physical sexual things within his absolute boundaries; we can experiment but it’s not a deal breaker)
But you never seek out men that can “fit” you and YOU making the decision to always be available to fitting HIM.
I was often cobbling together White gay materials and editing or adding to from my experience of teaching about race and African American literature/history. This wasn’t new to me as I had amassed a small library of my own, for myself personally for years.
The way that I became a teacher/counselor was because I got back to NYC after school upstate NY (and then commuting from Pennsylvania) and I was looking for an adult peer group. Before leaving for college I’d been going to The (Gay & Lesbian) Center in the Village for youth—recommended by my high school counselor. I finally found a men’s group there in my 20s and after a year or so, while working at a charter school nearby, the facilitator there asked me to teach and counsel; several agencies sort of metastasized from there for my career.
Forced sexual activities from other men for emotional support, friendship, shelter, food, money, safety, the biggest request unsafe sex which pout men at risk for HIV infection.
The first “impediment” I found in all of the agencies, 5 in total that I volunteered or worked for, was that the majority of their funding comes from the CDC so the majority of their intended programming is to testing for HIV and the HIV infected. And then gearing programming towards HIV prevention or living with HIV.
The CDC projects 50% of the MSM “brothers” will be HIV+ by their lifetime end.
Isn’t attracted to me.
Further inversely, Black and Latino men use “race” based prejudice against White men to have more/justify barebacking sex with Black and Latino men (yup, passing the HIV collection plate around proudly…) and therefore increase the infection rates.
I like a guy aesthetically but:
I was and still am HIV- twenty years later. It “worked” with me and I’ve never put myself into a dangerous/unsafe situation.